Better Left Unsaid
by wonderwall05
Summary: How does one say goodbye? She wondered and even as she knew he would never come back she couldn't say the words.


She knew that he was leaving could hear him creeping across the hallway to the stairs and moving down them slowly pausing every now and then. And she knew that it was likely she would never see him again; it filled her with a sense of nostalgia because even though she had never loved him he had still been hers for a while. It had been seventeen- has it really been that long? - years. It hadn't been that she had disliked him she admitted to herself only now, in the dark with her husband snoring lightly beside her. It had always been Lily, it had been the Lily in him that she had hated, had resented so deeply that she could not spare an ounce of the love she held for her own boy for him.

She sat up her feet dangling over the side of the bed skimming the top of the carpet. She wondered why he chose the stairs he could be out the window in a moment and they probably wouldn't notice for days. Yet there he was sneaking down the stairs making all sorts of noise that he must knew would wake her. She stood slowly even though she knew that slight movement would do nothing to wake her husband and she smiled a little, and made her way to the door her socked feet making a swishing sound through the strands of fabric.

She made her way down the stairs making no noise something she had perfected, and peeked around the corner into the kitchen where she could see the shadowy outline of his figure as he bent over to scribble something on a piece of paper before scribbling it out hastily and muttering under his breath. He bent over even farther and rested his head against the marble counter top and she heard him clearly this time.

"How does one say goodbye?" He whispered "Is it in lines we write or the spaces between the lines where everything we cannot speak is said?" His back arched slightly and she knew he was taking that one big final breath and his decision was set. She started forward and he turned quickly pulling out that thin piece of wood. When he recognized her his look of courage turned to fear and he swallowed loudly shoving the wand back into his pocket.

"Aunt Petunia I didn't mean to wake you I was just getting a glass of milk." He said his eyes lighting up as he grasped the excuse and tried to subtly grab the paper behind him.

"Boy – Harry." She cleared her throat as he looked at her in shock, and she saddened just a bit more. "Just sit down Harry; just sit down for a while." He agreed numbly waiting for her to sit before sliding into his usual seat and she smiled just a bit at the old formality.

"I know you're leaving." She said raising her hand to stop his denials. "I don't know why, and I don't know where you're going-"

"I won't be coming back." He interrupted her; his head was down his hair covering his eyes.

"I know." She whispered back and her heart began to speed up realizing this was the goodbye she never had with Lily.

"They why-"

"There are a lot of things I don't know Harry." She said before he could ask her to explain herself. "And….and I don't think even if I did know it would do either of us any good to hear." He nodded silently even as he was unaware of the content of what she might say. There were after all things better left unsaid.

"I'm going to face him." He blurted out before looking chastised by it, another formality one that made her wince. How had she managed to go so wrong? Why had she let her resentment lead this far? "You know my mum and dad's killer."

"Isn't it too dangerous? You're only seventeen." She tried to keep the emotion from her voice but knew she failed when he smiled just the slightest, she was just hurting him more.

"I'm the only one who can do it."

"They should find someone else." She whispered her words fruitless and empty. She heard a distant bell sound and his head shot up his eyes frazzled as he ran his hand through his hair worriedly.

"Well I've got to go now." He said and she thought of what he had said before and she did not know what to say to him.

"Good luck." She said softly and he nodded his head, shifting on his feet slightly before disappearing with a pop. She let out a sob rushing forward to grab the paper he had forgotten in his haste to leave, and she hugged it to her body in wake of the boy who written on it.

_**(To who it may concern Dear Dursley's my family)**__ To Aunt Petunia_

_**(I am leaving).**__ I am sorry that I had to go like this__**. (Finally I am able to escape this place even if it was the only home I ever had).**__ Although you were never kind to me, you allowed me to stay beneath your roof for seventeen – has it really been that long?- years and for that I am grateful__**. (I hate- love you.)**__ Aunt Petunia at first it was hard for me to see any of my mother in you, but I think after these long years I've seen it. It comes when you don't think anyone's paying attention and you look at me and you look sad enough to cry. I know that even though I am not your son, you've always viewed me as your own and took care of me the only the way you could. I don't know what else to say, I don't even know if you'll read this, there are a lot of things I don't know._

_**(Sincerely) **_

_**(Yours Truly)**_

_Love,_

_Harry_

And it was hard knowing now how like her he really was. She let the silence of the house on Number 4 Privet Drive surround her and though back to seventeen years ago when little Harry, her sister's son had come to rest on her doorstep. She wished that she hadn't been so hateful, wished she had seen the error of her ways before it was too late to even tell him. Petunia sat down slowly in the same old chair and wished that maybe one day he would come back.

A/N: Review please.


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